Why are Relational Boundaries Important?

Relational boundaries are limits or rules that individuals implement in order to take care of themselves. Boundaries may be porous, rigid, or healthy. When boundaries are porous, individuals may be dependent upon others or they may allow others to violate their relational boundaries. Rigid boundaries may impede you from connecting to others and serve as a barrier to intimacy or deep connections. Healthy boundaries are protective but they allow you to connect and develop deep connections to other people who can respect those boundaries. Relational boundaries are rules of engagement and they teach others how to treat you. 

  "We teach people how to treat us. If we are hard on ourselves, we can't expect other people to be tender with us. Treating ourselves well also makes it easier for us to refuse poor treatment from others; it allows us to have very strong and healthy boundaries.", Maya Angelou. 

It is important to articulate what your needs and wants are in relationships and identify those negiotables versus non-negiotables. Establishing boundaries is a critical step in developing strong and lasting relationships. Assert yourself and identify which boundaries are important to you. Here are some considerations for establishing boundaries in your interpersonal relationships. 

• State your needs and wants and identify relational boundaries that meet those needs. It is important to be intentional.  If fidelity is a boundary for you, define what this means to you and explain what a violation of fidelity means to you.  Your perspective on fidelity may differ from your partner's perspective. It is important there is a shared agreement on the limitations of boundaries and a mutual understanding and/or definition of each of your boundaries.
• Identify what happens if a boundary is violated.  Does this mean that the relationship will end or change in some way?  Identify how a boundary violation impacts you and the possible consequences of violating a boundary.
• Establish that there is a shared agreement and consent to follow boundaries that are set within the relationship. 
• Maintain respect for yourself and all parties involved.  People see things in different ways and it  is okay to "agree to disagree" while maintaining mutual respect.
• Reevaluate relational boundaries periodically.  Discuss boundaries that are working versus not working.   Discuss amending boundaries if needed.
• Maintain healthy communication.  Communication is the key to any healthy relationship and is a critical tool in establishing and maintaining relational boundaries.

 Sources: Bright Drops (2022). Retrieved from https://brightdrops.com/maya-angelou-quotes.

Youtube (2022). Good Boundaries Set You Free, Sarri Gilman.  Retrieved from https://youtu.be/rtsHUeKnkC8 .